Letting it all hang out

Since this is essentially going to be a blog about my weight loss, with a whole bunch of ‘yay, i’m moving across the pondage’ info chucked in, I figured I better begin with a fess up... a pictorial fess up that is.

I realised I was obese and unhappy back in 2005. Now really I was pretty blind to not realise until then because basically i’ve always been a slightly unhappy, slightly overweight girl... always! I was a chubby kid, a plump teenager and a ‘curvy’ (read: fat) twenty something. However things started to get worse and the weight started to pile on when I got into that old chesnut, ‘the comfortable relationship’. My partner and I got together when I was 20 (in 2002). I was probably about 70 Kg back then, not that I EVER weighed myself. I’d just always been a size 14-16 with big boobs and a big tushie. I was studying Nursing at Uni at the time and working at an Ice Cream Store (and yes, ‘a ha’, you would be right that DID NOT help! Can anyone say thick shake, cheesy hot dog and Ice cream... every Friday, Saturday and Sunday!) PLUS I was a drinker, boy was I a drinker... Some might say I was an alcoholic. I probably wouldn’t dispute that because I certainly had a problem (again, i’ll enlarge on this later, because otherwise tangential me will plod way of course and today’s blog is about weight!).

So, in this rut of a relationship (he really was a lovely guy but we did not motivate each other in the least, so this was an unhealthy relationship) I gained 28 KG. Then, in 2004, I found out my mother had terminal bowel cancer. My mother, who didn’t smoke, drink, didn’t drive and walked everywhere and had only been in hospital three times, to have her three children! I was in shock. As her treatments and surgery routine became more intense I decided to stop working and move back home to look after her. My boyfriend, with whom I was living at the time, was not hugely supportive of me or this decision. It was then I realised, we were just playing at this relationship, neither one of us brave enough to end it. So I asked him if he was happy, his answer was ‘I guess’. Wow, damned with faint praise. haha. So that day in February 2005, we said goodbye to the relationship and went our separate ways. I was crushed, not because the relationship was over but because I was a chain smoking, stressed girlie who was now 43kg overweight. What the hell did I have going for me now and would I ever find anyone else?

I handled my depression and loneliness by quitting smoking and replacing sleeping and eating with exercise! I’m lucky that I didn’t just revert to bad habits and cope by eating away my pain or things could have gotten drastically worse. I do not advocate beginning your weight loss journey the way I did. I was a very unhealthy girl for a long time. I would only sleep for a few hours a night. I’d wake up uber early and go to the gym. I wouldn’t socialise if there was any chance people would be eating and I ate like a mouse. Back in those days I would make 2 sushi hand rolls last an entire day. It wasn’t until I joined the gym and got some help from the staff and a close friend that I actually became healthy and made good lifestyle changes.

The day I decided to lose weight and weighed myself for the first time I was 98KG (that’s 215 pounds for those of you out there on the imperial system). I was huge! Unfortunately I don’t have any digital photos from this time. When I get a hold of a scanner i’ll be sure to show you the mayhem that was me back then!

I lost weight pretty consistently over about a year. By the time my mother passed away in February 2006, I was down around 58kg. This is the smallest I have ever been, and still is about 3 kg above what the BMI man says is the highest range of my ‘perfect weight’. At this weight I was a size 8-9 (in the Australian clothing system).

I kept the weight off for about a year before I started slowly creeping back on. When my family would mention that I was gaining slightly I would say things like, “i’m never going to allow myself to look like that again", or "it’s only a little weight, i’ll never be big like I was". But the fact is I did gain the weight back because I let go of all my healthy practices and allowed myself to gain. This is nobody’s fault but my own... All up, it took 3 years for 30kg to pile back on. So here I am now. I started my new journey into healthy life and weight loss at 87.4kg. It's been about 4 months on Weight Watchers now and I've lost 12.6kg to date. My most recent weigh in was 74.8. I'm terrified I'll fail this time, but also determined not too. Which is where blog world and all of those other motivational bloggers come into it. Currently I'm obsessed with reading 'Bitch Cakes: A neurotic Glamour Girls Weight Watchers Experience and Fitness Adventures' and 'Ok, Just one More Beer...'. These girls are Super Inspiring!

Okay, now comes the scary part. Here are some photos of the Me I am now and the skinny me that I was back then.

That's me in the middle... Would you look at that arm fat? And those knorks! ha. This was taken in late 2009. I would be about 87kg in this photo.

Same day, same hideous dress! I had hoped this dress would hide a multitude of sins. It didn't! These photos helped me decide it was time to get back on the bike, literally, or I was going to end up right back where I started.

Here's me in 2006 at my Cousins wedding. I was my lowest weight at this time. Approx 58Kg

And again in 2007, wearing a STUNNING 'Stop Staring' dress that I am determined to again fit into one day in the future! These were taken at my 25th Bday shindig and again I was 58kg.

So there you have it. A Mzlead stripped BARE. Now I better go quickly press 'Publish Post' before I lose my nerve...